April 24, 2014

Mimi had a day off and we heard about a brand new baby giraffe born at the Living Desert, so I pulled you out of preschool for a morning and we braved the heat to go check it out. The first half hour we spent was worth the trip. We got to watch Kubwa (the baby) run across the fields on those long, brand new baby legs and both you and Josiah had the chance to feed the Mom some acacia leaves. After that, the day was pretty miserable. Hot and humid. We heard a lot of your characteristic 4-year-old “I just don’t want to”s and your “but I just can’t”s.

I think every new parent hears the “just wait until she can talk…” line at least a few dozen times. I certainly did. I’m sure that line means a lot of different things to seasoned parents. You haven’t really entered the “why” phase I was warned of. You don’t gibber on about everything, talking constantly. For me the “just wait until she can talk” warning has translated into “just wait until she can debate everything with you.” You can come up with a reason you can’t or don’t want to do just about everything. Or you want to do it a different way, or at a different time, or you have to do something else first, or your “leg hurts” (or some other body part) or you’re “too tired.” Everything is a debate. Four years old and you are an expert manipulator, using every trick in the book to do things your own way.

I’m praying for wisdom, I’ll tell ya that much. It’s easy to get frustrated and bark at you to just “do it.” But I’ve found that isn’t very effective. I want to learn to guide you, to shepherd you, to encourage you to make good choices rather than just bully you into doing what I want. That might work now, when you’re four, but I know it won’t work when you’re 15. Lord, help me. And He does. I have so much to learn about parenting and need so many reminders to rely on Him to show me how and what to do. He is always faithful, when I listen. And He has told me very clearly to not bully you, that it won’t work. Day by day… learning to take the path that takes more effort, more time and more restraint. The last photo in this post, you were being difficult. You had decided that you couldn’t walk anymore. After a couple hours of frustrating attitudes, Mimi and I just looked at each other and laughed. Mimi nailed it on the head when she looked at me, laughed and said “she’s like a moody teenager!” We love you, babe, and you’re such a good girl. You’re just learning about boundaries, and expressing yourself, and what’s okay and what’s not. You’re learning, like we all have to throughout the course of our lives, that we don’t always get what we want and we sometimes have to do things we don’t want to do. I’m 35 and I still have a hard time accepting that sometimes. I have 30 years on you and still struggle, so I’ll cut you some slack. And I’ll keep praying…