Big Day – Bye Bye Num Nums, Hello Tooth!

The day has come. The conclusion of the Num Num Wars. I’m not fighting it anymore. And because we stuck it out for this long, because we gave it our all, I can be sure of one thing. YOU are making the decision. You are weaning yourself, and I’m done trying to force you to do something you don’t want to do.

I guess this may be the first of many lessons in letting go as a parent. I envisioned us happily nursing until the one year mark. And maybe we still will, but we are no longer going to spend our days battling it out and worrying. We’re going to enjoy each other and you are going to get the fluids and the nutrition you need, even though that means supplementing. You are an individual and sometimes you’re going to call the shots. I can pump, drink mother’s milk tea, pump some more, drink more mother’s milk tea, religiously watch my caloric intake, be as patient as Mother Teresa, pump some more, bribe and ask and pray and WILL you to nurse, but I cannot make you do it. I can’t. So I’m letting go.

After the last 3 days of you basically refusing to nurse except first thing in the morning (despite bribing and cajoling and all the tricks in the book), and after multiple constipated diapers this week, I gave in. It isn’t worth your health. You got formula today, and you couldn’t have been happier about it. There wasn’t even a moment’s hesitation, no wondering look about why it tasted different. You devoured it. You adore bottles. It’s not something I’ve taught you, you just do. You’ve gotten few bottles (breast milk) over the course of your life thus far and I have very, very rarely been the one to give it you. But you love it. You love the ease of it, always have.

When you got that bottle, I expected to feel like a failure, to be disappointed or feel guilty. Do you know what I felt after watching you suck down that bottle?

RELIEF. Sweet relief. And satisfaction. I breathed out a breath that I’ve been holding for the past 3 months (at least) and felt …. at ease. You got your fluids. You got your nutrition. You are going to have a full diaper. We had no tears. No drama. Just one full belly. One happy baby. One happy Momma.

I am still going to offer to nurse you several times per day. I’m still going to pump every night. I’m still going to drink the gross Mother’s Milk tea. I’m still going to keep breast-feeding as much as you will let me. But I’m done with not supplementing. You are going to get and enjoy those bottles from now on. If that results in the end of breast-feeding, I’m okay with it. We made it almost 3/4 of the way, which is a fact – given our difficulties – that I am extremely proud of.

That’s that. I love you my little Num Num Monster.

And in other exciting news, you have your first Tooth! I noticed it the very same day you got your first formula bottle. Perfect timing if you ask me, because you are definitely starting to clamp down when you nurse and I have not been looking forward to yet another nursing difficulty. It’s cute when you clamp down on the spoon when I’m feeding you. I can hear you thinking, “woah! I have traction!” but it’s not’s so cute, when it’s me you’re testing your chompers on. But now I’m not as concerned about it. You can bite down on those rubber nipples as hard as you want, Cookie. Just take it all out on the bottles please. 🙂

Here it is!

It appeared, literally overnight. One day I put my finger in your mouth to check on things and there was nothing, and the next I saw a little spot when you opened your mouth, checked again, and there is was!

You have been a real trooper about it, so much so that I didn’t even know it was on it’s way. You haven’t seemed especially fussy, although all the weird tongue gymnastics of the last week or two suddenly make sense. You aren’t really drooling and your gums don’t appear to be swollen. Hopefully we’re in store for a relatively easy teething period. I hope so, for your sake.

It’s so cute and little and sharp. It’s still strange to me that pretty soon you’ll have a whole mouthful of these things. Can’t you just stay a gummy baby for a little while longer? I suppose not. Time marches.