Then I had a kid. The very nature of this having makes one have to let go of some control because no matter what, I am resigned to never coming close to knowing everything and even the things I think I know may not work for my child or the next one. Having Adela in my life has been very good for me because it makes me slow down and focus on the process instead of simply the end result. It makes me realize that no matter how much I think I’m prepared with the answers, sometimes the questions still catch me be surprise. I’ve had to let go of my efficient and carefully conceived life to some extent and, trust me, that is a good thing. Sometimes I just need to chill.
At any rate, I’m not touting my decisions as the right ones. Every child is unique, every parent an individual. We all do the best we can. This blog is open for debate. What I’m striving to do mainly is to make decisions-informed decisions-about the important things, rather than having them make me. So, this is a record of some the choices we’ve made so far, for good or for bad, about some of the more gray areas when it comes to parenting. I’m sure I’ll look back some day and think, “Wow. Great call,” about some things and, “Geez. What was I thinking?” Some of the decisions I’ve made have already met an untimely end. So here’s a look at what’s working and what’s not so far.
VACCINATIONS
I have worked in the land of anti-vaccination for the past 2 years. Pretty much all of my Storytime parents at the library do not believe in vaccinating their kids. They are a great group of people who eat all organic, believe in natural childbirth (their words of encouragment helped me get through my natural birth, they helped me believe I could do it), and obviously care very deeply about their children. Their preschoolers are well-adjusted, good listeners, early talkers, affectionate and for the most part obedient. They are the kind of parents who believe in bringing their kids to the library on a weekly basis no matter how difficult it may be and who check out loads of books to read to their kids. They are good parents with good kids. People who obviously wouldn’t do anything to harm their kids intentionally. So, I decided to read up on the debate. To vaccinate or not to vaccinate.
This could get boring really fast, so this is going to be a gross over-simplification of the debate. Basically I read a couple books on the “link” between vaccinations and autism and then I read Dr. Bob’s Vaccine Book, plus I did research on the Internet, 21st century Mom that I am. I am, by no stretch of the imagination now an expert, but I got to a point where I am comfortable with my decisions. I no longer have fear of the unknown. I read both sides of the debate and this is what I’ve come up with so far.
Mercury used to be a common ingredient in vaccines. Mercury’s affect on people is at best questionable and at worst harmful. No scientific studies have shown a direct correlation between mercury and neurological disorders like autism (although there is a disturbing correlation between the time when mercury containing vaccines were introduced and an increase in autism…hence the plethora of books linking the two). Mercury is in hardly any vaccines anymore. If you want to go Mercury-free you just have to make sure your Dr. carries the right brans of Tetanus and flu vaccines. Other than that, there is no more Mercury. So, I’m no longer worried about it.
There are lots of other ingredients in vaccines that people take issue with – formaldehyde, animal tissues, MSG, EDTA, etc.. The only one that is found in quanities substantial enough to concern me is Aluminum. At least half, maybe more, of the vaccines our kids get contain Aluminum in varying amounts – amounts drastically higher than the level proven to be safely metabolized in an adult human body, let alone in a baby’s. Unlike Mercury which was used in vaccines in order to give them shelf-life, Aluminum is used in vaccines because it makes them work better. Without Aluminum vaccines are not as effective. That’s why vaccine manufacturers haven’t ixnayed the Aluminum like they have the mercury.
Again, like Mercury, Aluminum hasn’t been proven a culprit. The problem is that no studies have been done at all! So, long story long, I would like to minimize the doses my daughter is getting at one time and allow her kidneys the chance to metabolize any aluminum she does get effectively just in case the high doses she would otherwise receive could be harmful.
The bottom line is that I have read up on all the recommended vaccinations in the first year of Adela’s life and there isn’t a single one that I’ve thought, “oh no, she doesn’t need that.” Vaccines are wonderful. They protect us from current yuckies making the rounds and they protet our future from the reintroduction of eradicated diseases that nearly wiped out whole continents. Given that fact, so far we’ve decided to get Adela all her vaccines (I’ve only read up to 1 year). But we’ve also decided not to give them to her the way the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends for two reasons – because of the levels of Aluminum in them and because of the general degree of all-out attack on her immune system that getting 6 vaccines at once is. Why make it so hard on her body if it doesn’t have to be?
The quick version is that she’s getting two at a time for the most part, limiting the amount of aluminum she’s getting at any one time. Of course that means extra trips to the doctor’s office, but luckily most of the visits are simply “shot visits” that don’t need to be scheduled with the doctor. And we’re delaying giving her the Hep B vaccine because Hep B is an STD and it’s probably unnecessary to vaccinate a newborn against such a disease (but I do think it’s irresponsible to decline entirely because we’re trying to eradicate Hep B and the only way that will happen is if everyone gets vaccinated). She’ll get that one in a couple years.
I so did not succeed at making this short and not boring. Sorry.
On a more anecdotal note, the Doctor gave me a pretty hard time about all this (this is not our Dr, but one I had to see because ours in on Maternity leave). He hemmed and hawed and incredulously shook his head and said that he hasn’t heard anything about Aluminum being a problem. Then he proceeded to lecture me about the most dangerous thing we do every day with our kids. Any guess?
Driving.
Yep. He lectured me about how it’s so much more incredibly dangerous to drive our children around in cars than to give them vaccines. And this after I told him that I wanted to get Adela fully vaccinated! I was pretty irritated. But he did agree to our schedule.
This is a really awful picture of Adela, but it tells a story. It was taken right after we got back in the car after her first two shots (Pc and HIB). It breaks my heart. We were trying to get her to smile and she just kept giving us these big watery eyes that seemed to ask, “Why oh why did you let them do that to me, Momma?” Ugh. And I have to do again in a couple weeks. 🙁
BINKIES
This is an issue I had a plan for that ended up getting thrown out the window. I did not want to give Adela a pacifier. I hate the way they cover up babies’ cute little faces. Plus I didn’t want to get stuck with a 5 year old still screaming for the binky. I lasted about 2 and a half weeks. Up until that point, even when Adela was full and obviously done eating she would try to latch back on and then scream when she continued getting food. The only thing that would console her was a pinky finger. So, Craig and I spent 2 weeks with our little fingers in our daughter’s mouth just to get her to stop crying. At that point Adela was nursing like a champ so I was no longer concerned with nipple confusion. I realized that I was worried about things that hadn’t happened yet and may never happen and that I was probably being a little silly about it. So we started giving her the binky and boy oh boy does she love it.
We revisited this topic about a week ago because one of the books I’m reading said that 3 months is a great time to break the habit. I talked with Craig about the possibility and he looked at me and said this. “She doesn’t get to do anything. She eats. She sleeps. She sucks on the binky. Why would you want to take away 1/3 of her joy?” ‘Nuf said.
BOTTLES vs. BREAST
Unless something beyond my control happens, formula is not an option. There is a ridiculous amount of evidence that proves that formula is not as good for babies as breast milk. So, that’s not really the debate. The debate (and this is not a debate with other people, it’s a debate with myself) is whether and when I will give Adela a bottle. She has never had a bottle. Not even a swallow. Never. She has only been feed directly via the source.
Why is this a big deal to me? I have no idea. I don’t have anything against bottles per say. I really don’t. I have pumped quite a bit (because I thought I was returning to work), so we have a whole bunch of little baggies of num-num goodness tucked away in the freezer for a cloudy day. It would be oh so nice to let Craig feed her once in a while at night instead of always having to be the one getting up 2 to 4 times in the dead of night. But I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it. I just feel like maybe once we start there won’t be any going back. Maybe I’m afraid that she’ll like the bottle better than me and decide to quit nursing. Or that I will like bottles better than breast-feeding and feel guilty about it. Or that we’ll miss out on bonding time. Maybe it’s an insecurity thing. I don’t know. I just want my baby to need me. I know I will give her a bottle evenutally, but I’m not ready yet.
Although….
The past week has been difficult. I figured, since we pretty much got the hang of things right away, that we wouldn’t have any difficulties. But Adela has suddenly discovered how strong her little arms are and has decided to have her workout sessions while latched. She bunches up both little fists and literally punches her food source rythmically while eating. I am surprised that I’m not black and blue. It’s painful. I haven’t figured out how to get her to stop. She only does it when she’s wide awake. If she’s sleepy at all, she’s relaxed and we have no problems. But man, when she’s hungry and awake she gets fiesty! I try to hold her arms down or swaddle her but she gets really mad and screams bloody-murder like I’m intentionally making her life miserable. But then if I let her just go for it, not only is is painfully unpleasant but she also knocks herself off constantly so she gets mad because she thinks I’m taking the num-nums away before she’s done. So she gets more frustrated and then I get more frustrated and pretty soon we’re both crying. It’s really not fun. I’m really hoping she outgrows her litttle karate baby phase soon.
Co-SLEEPING
Adela has been sleeping in our bed since she was born, up until 2 weeks ago. I love co-sleeping. There is nothing for bonding like cuddling up with your baby. For the first 2 months, I nursed her exclusively in the side-lying position at night which was super nice because I didn’t have to turn on a light, get out of bed (after she stopped making twosies at night), or even wake up all the way. I just un-snapped and rolled over. But several weeks ago I started noticing that she was eating more and more frequently at night, sometimes at least than 2 hour intervals. I was not okay with that becoming a standard occurence. Plus she was getting noisier and noisier with her grunting and throat clearing and snorting, and all that right next to my head made for a cranky, even more sleep-deprived Momma. So, we decided to make the move to the playyard next to our bed. She’s been sleeping there every night for the past 2 weeks and it seems to have improved the duration for which she stays asleep. With the exception of 3 or 4 nights, she is staying asleep for one 4-5hr period and one 2-3hr period every night. A drastic improvement! It sucks having to get out of bed to fed her, but when it’s only 1 or 2 times rather than 5 or 6 times, it makes a big difference. And, surprisingly enough, she still doesn’t wake up all the way or have a hard time going back to sleep even though I’m picking her up. That was my biggest concern. I’m glad so far it was unwarranted. Next step, her own room and her own crib, but not until she consistently wakes up 1 time or less per night because her room is about 5 miles from mine and I’m not looking forward to making that sleepy trek. So, I’m for co-sleeping, but so far I’m glad that we’re moving away from it. It was time.
SIDS
The scariest thing ever. SIDS. The thought is so awful I don’t even want to think about it. We are instructed at every turn by every book, nurse, doctor, friend to never ever ever let our babies sleep on their tummies. We forget that up until little more than a few years ago, all babies slept on their tummies. They used to think that it was safer that way so that they couldn’t choke on their spit-up in their sleep. I slept on my tummy. You probably did to. That’s just how it was. So, don’t think me an awful Mom for considering the possibility that exclusive back-sleeping might be a little over the top. I started experimenting. My baby will not take naps on her back. She just won’t. I’ve tried everything. Luckily, she sleeps on her back at night. I think she’s just too tired to fight me.
Anyway, I started trying to let her sleep in the Boppy and in the Carrier, both work better than flat on her back. But I’ve also started trying to let her sleep on her side and on her tummy. I only do it during the day when I’m awake and when the audio/video monitor (great invention btw) is on her and I’m staring at it and listening to her breathe from another room, usually while I’m on my laptop or folding laundry. She LOVES it. She loves burrowing her little face into the sheets. She slept like that for 3 hours straight the other day. Something that is impossible otherwise. The only other way she will sleep that long is if she’s in her swing or if I’m holding her. She loves nestling her face into things. She does it in my arms too. She literally will fuss and fidget and turn her body until her face is smashed inbetween my side and my arm. It doesn’t look comfortable and I constantly watch for the continued rise and fall of breathing because it really doesn’t look like she can breathe. But it’s how she likes to be. Here’s a picture.
So basically, I do not plan on ever letting her sleep on her tummy without constant supervision and never at night. It’s not worth the risk. But it’s too bad because she really enjoys it. So, I will let her do it when I’m watching.
PIERCINGS
One more topic just for fun since I didn’t get to read up and decide on circumcision this go ’round. 🙂 Another form of bodily mutilation, ear piercing. I had my ears pierced as a baby. I think Adela would look adorable with little diamond studs. This one Daddy made the call. He says No. Not until she’s old enough to decide for herself. I respect that he thinks that way, already concerned with his daughter’s rights. So, even though I don’t think it’s that big of a deal (of COURSE she’s going to want to get her ears pierced!), Daddy wins this one and I’m willing to wait.
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Amanda - Really interesting about Adela and her tummy napping. I've been terrible about getting Seth's tummy time in – but today I managed to get him down there. He hates it for the most part, and today he cried and struggled for about 5 minutes, lifted his head up twice, burped, and then passed out. So I guess I'll be sitting here staring at his back for the next little bit 😉